What is Evolution?

“We began as a mineral.
We emerged into plant life, and into the animal state, and then into being human, and always we have forgotten our former states, except in early spring when we slightly recall being green again.
That’s how a young person turns towards a teacher.
That’s how a baby leans toward the breast, without knowing the secret of its desire, yet turning instinctively.
Humankind is being led along an evolving course, through the migration of intelligences, and though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream, and that will eventually startle us back to the truth of who we are.”
— The Story of Evolution
Rumi, 13th Century



As I sit here typing this blog from an arbitrary 24 hr intaneto cafe, kicking myself repeatedly for missing my train, I think of the week that has passed. And the only word which accurately describes the series of events during this week is arbitrariness.

Funnily enough, I didn't even know that such a word existed. But on Thursday when I asked the office lady about a suspicious letter I had received in the mail, equesting me to pay 500 yen for some random unnecessary service, she called the Town Hall and returned to my desk with the word 'Arbitrariness' scribbled in pencil on it.

I had merely asked her if the paying of the fee was mandatory would there be consequences if I didn't. As I tried to explain I could feel myself getting flustered. It's days like those that I REALLY miss Noriko. Why did she have to leave??? :(

Alas, the new lady tries her best to understand, which is why I was somewhat amused when she came up with the word arbitrariness because in truth, that is exactly what the letter was, random BS.

Can you believe they wanted me to actually go to the Town Hall to pay it??? As if I have nothing better to do with my time.

There are times when this country really frustrates me. Case in point, Cockroach. He is quite possible the single most annoying man i've ever known. His mere presence disturbs me. I hate being around him, I hate when he tries to speak to me. I hate when he interrupts me. I hate his face, his walk, his patronising smile. I wish he would just disappear.

To a lesser extent, but still quite intense, I feel the same way about the EB JTE @ my main school. Every day I walk into that office I pray that she has either taken ill or just won't be coming to school. I secretly hope that her husband will knock her up and she'll have to go on maternity leave, although I seriously pity the poor child.

My ideal wish is that come April when it's time for the big change, both she and cockroach will be transferred far far away. Then I could finally breathe!

On another arbitrary note, I had a terrible dream the other night. I was in bed and I could hear someone shaking my front door, trying to get in. I was sure that I had locked the door the night before but I could still hear the clanging of burglar latch (or whatever it's called) and I was terrified, It ws so terrifying that it actually woke me up.

Apparently what this means though is that I have repressed feelings/ emotions that would like to surface or some other bullcrap like that...I don't know what it is, but it might explain why I've been feeling so haunted/horny lately(moreso than usual). I wonder what's going on with the moon???

In any case, things need to change soon! I need a likkle romance.


wishing I was high

NadYa Dee

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Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."