Last week I walked to the Post Office Ginko (Bank) to take out some cash while getting some well needed fresh air and exercise. I decided that i'm going to try to stop driving around town as much since Roxy says that we all need to play our part in saving the earth, her niavete can be inspirational at times.
So there I am, walking along the road, listening to my Ipod and taking in the cool breeze while dreading the coming of the humid summer heat when a car drives by and toots, it's Maki, one of the taiko members. I smile and wave. It's moments like these that remind me that I'm not entirely alone.
After withdrawing my cash, I reach into my bag and begin to pick at the four loaves of molding bread I bought about a month before but forgot to eat. I throw a handful into the 'pond'/gutter that lines the road and watch as the coy fight each other for the pieces. Gradually I make my way down the road, stopping at intervals to throw in some bread and watch the fight. As I walk, I think of how comfortable i've become here. I think of the friends I've made and just the random people who smile and ask me where I'm from as I go about my business.
A man darts across the street to throw two loaves of bread into the water. The coy and rush for them, only sm fragments excaping their assault. Before this moment I never really thought of how these fish survived or why they were kept there in the first place. Then I begin to compare my life here to life in Jamaica and I pinpoint three main differences.
If I were at home, I would've felt uncomfortable walking to any ATM to withrdraw so much money while here I don't have to think twice about carrying around large sums of money because the probability of me being robbed is slim to none. Secondly, I wouldn't be throwing bread to fish on the side of the road because A: I'd never be wasting bread and B: those fish would have been some crackhead/homeless man's dinner years ago or atleast be selling from a stall on the side of the road....I'm just saying. Lastly was the feeling of serenity and solidarity that one feels living in a suburban community in Japan. It's that close-knit post modern atmosphere that I have grown accustomed to and that I now call home.
Now don't get me twisted, I miss home like crazy. As Dorothy said... there's no place like it.
I mean I have atleast a dozen sexual flashbacks per day of me riding, side-saddling and quinting on a buddy and it's within those split seconds that I wonder why i'm torturing myself with this existence. I mean who am I fooling? I am a cockaholic and going a year without one is the equivalent to going through meth rehab...you never really kick the habit. And I keep having this reoccurring urge to corner an unsuspecting man and abuse him with my sexuality...
Needless to say I have yet to find such a man.
Nevertheless, I'm enjoying my time here, my independence, the freedom and solitude. At times I may feel lonely but for the most part I enjoy my time with me. It's the random moments that seem so insignificant that enrich my experience here. Like take for example at my Technical School (where I am right now typing this) every morning when I get to work there's a woman and her daughter waiting outside, right by the school doors. I tell them Good Morning and go inside but I can't help but wondering what the hell they're doing out there and why. Today I passed a teacher on her way to meet them outside...I will solve this mystery yet!
But despite my random Nancy Drew moments I do enjoy my life here. Went to EguchiHama Seaside Beach Park yesterday with the fam (i.e. Ken, Yoko, John, Shoko, the kids, Vandy and Roxy) and it was a blast. Didn't realise how much I missed the beach.
Anyhoo, i've been rambling for way too long now...so until next time
don't forget to clear the grease from the crease behind your ear.
What is Evolution?
“We began as a mineral. We emerged into plant life, and into the animal state, and then into being human, and always we have forgotten our former states, except in early spring when we slightly recall being green again. That’s how a young person turns toward a teacher. That’s how a baby leans toward the breast, without knowing the secret of its desire, yet turning instinctively. Humankind is being led along an evolving course, through the migration of intelligences, and though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream, and that will eventually startle us back to the truth of who we are.”
— The Story of Evolution - Rumi, 13th Century
Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."