11.04.2009

Brand New Second Hand


This blog is going to be a stream-of consciousness vibe simply because I can't be bothered to plan the course of these thoughts which have been clouding my mind as of late. Plus time is against me. So where shall I begin? to tell a story of how great a love can be... see... my mind already gone on a trip. Anyhoo, where was I? stream of consciousness. right. So Monday night/ Tuesday morning as I drove home from the club under the watchful light of my moon, I thought of a blog I wanted to do. It touched on a lot of the emotions and concerns I had been experiencing over the past few days like sex, celibacy, health, intimacy et cetera but by the time I got home I was too tired to sit around the computer and knock out a blog. I just couldn't. and no I wasn't drunk either. I have actually been "sober" for approximately 3 weeks now and I am feeling quite proud of myself.

I'm not sure I mentioned it on here before but I got the results of my physical 3 weeks ago and ...needless to say... everything was not alright. Since it was all in Japanese I had to get it translated by my Japanese teacher and then a friend of mine but basically the bottom line was that my liver enzymes levels were too high and they recommended that I redo the blood test. Actually the Office Manager, after giving me the test results, asked me if I had drank (drunken?) any alcohol before I took the test. I don't recall doing so, but I suppose if I was drunk I wouldn't have remembered would I? I mean, I don't consider myself an alcoholic but this whole no-drinking-sick-liver-unhealthy-lifestyle has been quite a feat for me.

Which is what I suppose prompted the title as well as the need for me to do this blog. My lifestyle. It needs to change. I am no longer a carefree teenager. I am an adult (private chuckle) and I have responsibilities and obligations now. When I think back to how hard I used to party/ drink/ sex I am slightly ashamed. Yeh. I kinda sorta am. I mean there are quite a few memories that I'd like to erase, more than enough things that I wish I didn't do. But experience teaches wisdom or something like that and all those things that I did in my past have helped to make me into the person I am right now. But still I was pretty wild back then. It's only since coming to Japan and living a pretty mellow life in the country side that I realise just how wild I really was.
And not even just in the promiscuous sense. But in the unhealthy sense, in the not taking care of myself sense: spritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

This whole sick liver situation has really been an eye opener I tell you. I've really been slacking where it comes to my livelihood. I mean our body is truly our temple. How could I have been so reckless and careless? Although compared to some of the mattresses I've been reading about in Jamaica I coulda enter a convent!!! wooooiiiii!!! But that is another blog for another day.

Anyhoo back to my point. On Monday I began my 8 week Liver Cleansing diet. Which basically means no alcohol, no sugars, no greasy food, no soda, no anything that would give my liver too much work. Plus I'm taking liver detoxifying supplements. I mean when you think about it. My liver has been working overtime for the past 24 years. It's never gotten a chance to properly rest. It's best if I do this now before I get afflicted with ailments like high-blood pressure, diabetes and worse... the big C... and no I don't mean Celibacy even though....speaking of celibacy... I'm at a crossroads. Do I have sex? or do I wait for something more meaningful than just the bang bang bang??? Since I've decided to take on this holistic approach to my well-being I think I've become immune (for want of a better word) to casual sex. I mean of course it feels good in the moment. But what about the after? when you're cuddling someone but thinking about another? It just doesn't cut it for me any more. So I suppose as I seek to clean up my liver, I should possibly be cleaning up my heart and my morals/ standards as well.

Yesterday, I was accused of putting sex too high on my list of priorities and that kinda took me aback.... I mean what's more important than sex in a relationship anyways??? (and please don't give me that whole trust and loyalty diatribe...I've heard it all before). I suppose this line of thinking is why I am now caught in between a rock (hard cock) and a hard place (the shell encasing my heart).

To wit or to woo I really don't know but I think I'm gunna follow my PICs advice and just let it flow.

iNi

need a brand new start with a brand new second hand heart...

NadYa Dee